Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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