Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
