The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
