I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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