I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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