I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
