I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
