Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
