Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
