Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
