We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
