Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
