Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize