I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
