I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
