Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
