I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
