i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
