I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
