so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
