dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
