i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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