Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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