Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
