Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize