If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
