omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize