Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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