I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize