I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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