I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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