Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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