I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
two words: eviction party
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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