she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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