i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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