I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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