Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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