Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
