Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
