Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
