i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
