after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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