3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
