She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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