I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
