I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
