Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
