They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
