I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
accomplished twins. life is a go
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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