I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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