I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
