god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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