i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
