my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
