so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
