We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
