Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'd cum for enchiladas.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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