It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
