If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
