plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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