I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
