At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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